What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 05:23
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Is it possible to achieve spiritual enlightenment while being in a romantic relationship?
Comes on , in middle age.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
What are some of your favorite hip hop lyrics?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
(And it was in our own minds.)
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
How can someone effectively handle a targeted individual?
My life is so biszare .
Put me off passion for life!!
I write beautiful poetry .
Why do people believe that global warming is man made?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
As i do to all so called friends.?
Why do some men like older women?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
What is the reason for writing X^2 as XX instead of X*X?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Do you know a good lawyer joke?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
We all went to grammer schools
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Can you tell me a depressing story?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
We were not on the streets..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I was very sick at this time too.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I don,t even have a pension.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I was scared of men, in general
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I have no regrets .
She wouldn,t have been !
Especially a lifetime of it.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
One cannot live in the past .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And i lived it daily.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My family never makes their pension either.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I could never make a relationship work though!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But it wasn’t much.
She loved him until the end.
She was in good health!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
All the time i was locked up.
Ive learnt so much.
So whats the point in blame.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He knew the spot.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
So, i spoilt her more .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
It was going to be , some day.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
When she asked me how she looked .
I think the readers, may guess!
Im still living with it.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I said to her
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She found it foreign!.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She married twice! .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I couldn’t, believe it.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I waited trembling.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I did it because my mum asked me too!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
The only rule us 5 kids had .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
What did i know ?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Who then, do I blame.?
Would this be the day?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
This is soul school!.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But ive been too sick for many years..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Was to survive, this bastard.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I was 9 years of age.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was seconnd youngest,
Why did i forgive my father ?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I will be 64.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But, we were locked up after school.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.